he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
