i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
