The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I have aggressive nipples.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
