just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
