She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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