Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
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Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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