So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
