i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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