I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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