So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
