Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
