i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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