apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
