Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
