I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I intend to get homeless drunk
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
