you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
