apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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