She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
