if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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