i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
