i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
