Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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