its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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