Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
