the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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