you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize