I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
