That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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