just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
