I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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