We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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