You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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