you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
