dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
