we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
