Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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