going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
