you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
