I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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