I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
