Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
