I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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