Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
