Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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