Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he puts the penis in happiness.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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