I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
