I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Randomize
