I just made out with a guy for $7.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
