dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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