Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
