I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
