She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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