Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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