one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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