And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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