If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
