Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
