insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
