I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize