Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You made out with two different species that night
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
