11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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