she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
