We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
