There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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