Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
