There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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