It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
